Lumpy Love

Yes, Lumpy love.

          Love has many forms and can be shown in many ways. I often ponder the way I show my loved ones that I love them.  Sometimes I do it with loud and obnoxious kisses and hugs. The twelve year old is waning away from this display which I will, of course, continue in front of his peers. It is simply payback for keeping me awake from 2am to 4am during the first year of his life. I often make their favorite food items to gnosh on as another way to show LoVe…..fast forward to “lumps”.

          For several years now I have make homemade strawberry freezer jam in big quantities for these younglings. They have told me they enjoy this treat and my stash of twenty pint jars are usually gone after a few months. I have taken extra care in the preparation to leave some of the strawberries slightly intact instead of completely liquified because, I mean, come on….its yummier to have a bit of strawberry laying on your toast to bite into…..right?

          Last night Dad was out of the house…church…wait, work….no church…whichever…dad was gone. Mamma survives this by either opening up some Campbell’s chunky soup or frozen waffles etc. Luckily…..I was feeling “extra” nice. It’s toast and jam night. Max quickly stopped my slathering of the toast to request “Ummm…..please…no lumps mom.” HUH? “Yeah….I don’t like the lumpy strawberries in the jam.” Which to my dismay ALL of the other kids agreed. WHAT? That is the best part!!!

          After thinking about this for awhile I have come to the conclusion that those crazy little kids can have their “unlumpy” jam. I will just eat the lumps out before I smear it on their toast. I will continue to make the jam lumpy. I am thankful for their many different “lumps”…or lack of “lumps”. Each one of these kids is awesomely different and has their own quirky personalities. It’s amazing to be their mom and watch them pick their own lumpy way of life. 

          My hubby is truly the best at showing love though food. He eats whatever lump is placed in front of him and never complains. What a brave man. It doesn’t hurt that he always gives me his pickle off of his plate when we go out to eat either. I sure am one lucky woman. <3

Send me your resumes please!

Headline on tonight’s local news: “Local woman wins megabucks jackpot and plans to purchase mansion on Lake Las Vegas and six cars.”

This got me to thinking. What would I do with a megabucks jackpot?! It definitely wouldn’t be a mansion OR six new cars. Houses take waaaayyy lots of energy to clean (even with children doing their chores) and SIX cars? No. Gas is expensive lady. Not to mention tires and oil changes. No.

Hmmmm…..yes. I have ideas….wonderful ideas. Disclaimer…before I get the “You need to be thankful for what you have; You need to donate to charity; You need to not covet others speeches…..please. All of that is understood AND I am definitely a woman on her knees thanking Heavenly Father for all the above everyday and often every moment. I have a comedic mind. No woman should have more than one kid if they can’t find some comedy in their motherhood. Let’s face it….motherhood is funny…..ALL kinds of funny.

So…where is this fictional money going? It has to be fictional since I don’t gamble or buy lotto tickets. Insert Vegas resident joke here. I have several ideas about how my life could be easier or less troublesome.

1. My own personal hairdresser. YUP. I would love that “just leaving the hairdresser with my hair glossy and snipped” feeling everyday. I’d pay megabucks to have MY hairdresser “fix my do” every morning and then leave. The reality is I have a great color and cut that basically gets thrown back in the “mom ponytail” except on Sundays for church. Aren’t you church friends lucky?! Ali does her hair for ya’ll!!

Most mornings involve a kid hanging on my leg or needing breakfast for goodness sake! I’m sure I could glam out if I set the alarm thirty minutes earlier. Bwahahahahaha!!!

2. I’ll keep my ten year old Excursion. No problem. I just want someone to clean it OUT. OFTEN. Look…I’ve sent my kids to do it. I do it. Leith does it. It never stays clean. We literally live in that car. 

If you think that comments you say before having children won’t come back to bite you later than you are sadly mistaken. I sincerely apologize to ALL the Moody Elementary parents that I judged for having a messy car as I opened each door for those lovely babies to get in every afternoon in carpool. That former teacher now has a car worse than yours. I’m constantly screaming at the kids to “grab that water bottle/notebook/glove/candy wrapper” before it falls out when they open the door.

 And for those of you who say “I will NEVER let my kids eat in my car (cough cough Amy…)”, let’s see how quick you’ll be to hurl a McD French fry at a screaming toddler two rows back. Uh Huh. Let’s not forget to mention the sippy cup that used to have milk in it that has “cooked” under the seat for a week. Ummm…time to purchase a new sippy cup. Hello trash. Yes…a professional car cleaner is on the list.

3. I need a “laundry putter upper”. I don’t mind washing and drying clothes. It feels productive and when I throw those eight piles of clean laundry on the couch in the living room. It smells oh so fresh. Folding clothes isn’t so bad. I enlist a few kids to help and can catch a show or two……or three on the tube. The next step is where I LOSE my mind. It is a simple task. Pick up basket of folded laundry. Take folded laundry to specific area to be put away. Put laundry away in the right place. Nope. Nada. I hate it. I drop those eight baskets in their appropriate places and leave. I go AWOL. There is no other explanation other than I hate that part of the job. I, of course, have the older kids put their laundry away……unless they decide to simply pick out their clothes from the said baskets for a week until they are empty. I can’t judge. So I won’t. I definitely will pay high dollar for a “laundry putter upper”.

4. Grocery shopper is next on the list. I make lists. I think ahead and meal plan. Yet it never fails. One of two things happens every time I go to the store. I forget something obvious like bread, milk, or eggs, OR I get home and I feel like there is nothing I want to fix or eat. BAM. Just like that. I’ve spent two horrid hours at the store and another hour unloading to be left feeling hungry with nothing to curb the appetite. Let’s not forget about the looks I get when I go. YES I’m feeding an army. Yes I let my kids eat chocolate cheerios occasionally. Yes I know I’m holding the line up with my “certain way I put the groceries on the belt because heavy stuff goes first”!!  So…YES, I want a personal grocery shopper to deliver the goods and put them up each week.

Note to personal grocery shopper: Please make sure you hide the bag of Reese cups from the Martin children. I have a hiding place. It must be done in a quick and timely fashion after bringing into the house. These kids rummage through those bags as quick as a pig can slop a trough.

5. Last but not least, I need a personal book orator. I love books. Historical fiction of any sort just makes me fabulously happy. Problem….If I sit still or lay down to read I’m asleep and snoring in three minutes. This sleep deprived woman can’t stay awake to read a Facebook post much less a chapter of a book. So please…I will use my winnings on a lovely person to follow me around and read aloud….. (Must be able to read loud enough to mask little kids yelling “MOM”). For the record I’ve tried books on tape etc. I can’t pay enough attention to those. It’s just another method of auditory madness in my ear.

There it is……my fictional use of lottery winnings. I’m accepting applications for all of those interested in the jobs listed above. Send me your résumés ASAP….or better yet….come to Vegas for a visit. I hear there is an awesome yogurt place down the road that we can discuss those job requirements….. (after I put the kids to bed, of course.) J

Ali

45 minutes...that's all I needed

     There are five loads of laundry to be done…. a messy kitchen to be cleaned…and uniforms to be gathered for tonight’s ballgames. I must, however, take ten minutes to sit down at this computer and blog an entry. It was one of those mornings that after every kid (except the youngling) was at school or preschool I questioned whether those words I heard were really spoken…those actions really happened….or those thoughts really occurred.

It is hilarity that must be documented for the future embarrassment of my children. Also my right as a parent to inflict some blushing on their faces after the humbling efforts those kids have made to embarrass me in public so many times. So…here, dear Martin children of the future…go ahead and cringe.

These were ACTUAL quotes said in this home from 7:00 to 7:45 a.m.

Ali : “AGH!! Leith, I’m nauseated…I have sliced my knee open with a razor. I need a new razor blade and a band –aid. Leith?! Leith!!! NOW!!”

Leith: “I just gave the boys a spoon and a pan to bang on to scare the ducks out of the pool.” You’re welcome Sierra Vista neighborhood.

Leith: “Son, You cannot wear the underwear that you wet the bed in under clean clothes! Change your underwear AND get in the shower.” (OK…Brooks and Max you’re off the hook…not you)

Cooper: “DAD, Scarlett is scratching my eyes out!” He then begins to make Native American Indian sounds to try to please her while lying next to her on the floor.

Caroline: “Mom, where is my hairbrush? Shoes? Uniform? Hairbow? Toothbrush? Homework?”

Max: “Hey Cooper…Do NOT play that game that we have saved on the Wii. If you do a ghost will come out of it and haunt you today…….. ALL DAY.” 

Mom: “Brooks have you packed your bag for drylands/swimteam for this afternoon?”

Brooks : “Yes Ma’m…but I still need my shoes, goggles, and bathing suit to be put in there.”

:-/

Rock on Tuesday….Rock on….or as Leith and I will text back to each other often for support …. “Roll Tide”.

Love,

Ali  ~ future survivor of Tuesday

Vegas winds make me eat

Vegas winds make me eat.

Uhhhh…..Whuuut? Yes….and I’ll explain why. First…..don’t judge why I haven’t blogged in a year. I had another kid and I’ve been a tad busy.

Now….why have I been resisting the urge to eat all day? It took me all day to figure this out, actually. I’ll back up and describe my morning for you. After dropping my beloved children off at school and preschool, Scarlett and I headed over to Lowe’s for some retail/paint choosing therapy. This Lowe’s is in the direct flight path of McCarran International Airport. Yes…I live in the flight path of all of you wonderful friends who visit Vegas once a year. I live so close that I hear plane engines roar at night. Now, as I grabbed sweet Scarlett out of the car I noticed Mr. jumbo jet turn sideways a bit and then abort landing by gunning that sucker back into the air. (Those puke bags that are usually tucked neatly in the back of the seat will need to be replaced Miss Stewardess.)

Let’s just say it is stinkin windy today. It is windy season in Vegas baby! There are days with gusts of 70 mph winds that blow every loose trash bag in this city to Lake Mead. It may or may not have inadvertently cleaned out my car today when I opened the door to let Coop out at preschool. (Sorry Green Valley Methodist). At that very moment when I saw that plane abort landing…I wanted food. HUH?!? I ignored the weird urge and went back to my paint sample buying.

After staring out of the window for three hours today accomplishing NOTHING I realized what was happening. I’m reverting back to “Alabama tornado weather” stress binges. When I lived in the ‘ham, (Birmingham to my Vegas peeps), tornadic weather would boom about twice a month each spring. Ali would rock back and forth in front of the TV watching the hook echoes and munch on what the heck ever I could find…..chips, chocolate, tree bark….anything. Today, my friends, I felt the urge to chew…….as I nervously watched my neighbors palm tree snap in half and our trash can land on my neighbor’s fence. Vegas peeps are annoyed by the flying sand and swaying trees during these said wind storms. I, however, get petrified with memories of tornadoes…so I munched. I munched last week while watching my southern peeps deal, yet again, with horrific weather. I also chewed very frantically on my lip as my Excursion (Mr BIG and heavy diesel) rocked back and forth at the stop light today.

I apologize to my weight watchers points. Those allotted points were gone at 2:00 pm this afternoon. Today’s windstorm cancelled tball AND swim team practice. There is so much dust in the air that we could play tic tac toe with our pointy fingers on the car windshield. The weather forecast calls for “hazardous winds” until early tomorrow morning. Hey…….Martin kids…..where is the sugar free Jell-O?